So here it is. The end of a relationship, a life built together. Whatever the cause the end is painful, messy and most likely confusing. This I know, as this is now my life.
I have hesitated to write any journal type entries on my blog as I didn't feel that a blog was the correct outlet for me to lay out my private thoughts, however with this new development in my life I feel that it would be healing for me to express myself and maybe my story can be relevant to someone else in the same situation.
That being said, I am as of now preparing to end a relationship of thirteen years. We have two children together and quite a bit of history. The end of the relationship isn't a his fault/her fault situation. We have simply grown apart through the years and each feel the other deserves a chance to find a partner that is more suited to the other. Quite civilized for the time being. Who knows what may change as we move further down this path.
We've made the decision and told the children that mom and dad will be breaking up. Now what? Neither of us are interested in dragging lawyers into the mix, we both feel that we can come to acceptable conclusions without paying $200-$300 an hour. So, scratch the yellow book pages to find a divorce attorney.
I received some good advice from someone near and dear to my heart that I will share as to what my first steps should be. I believe that they are worth following and make a strong first step.
1. Create a budget using only your income.
2. Start separating things in your home and try to be fair. Everyone thinks of the major things; big screen TV, stereo system, gaming systems but it is also the small things. Things you need to consider in the division include CD's, DVD's, holiday decorations, photographs and bed, bath and kitchen supplies.
3. Make sure all bills are current. Start thinking about which ones you will be responsible for and which ones your spouse will take.
4. Open your bank account
5. Be prepared to temporarily end or reduce some services until you are financially on your feet.
6. Even if you kids seem okay, they probably aren't. Make sure to spend time with them and talk through their fears and concerns.
Not sure what will happen tomorrow or next week, but for today I am ready to make the small steps.
