Is there such a thing?

Is there such a thing as a friendly divorce? A few weeks into the process I am being to question. The family has all been told and the friends made aware. Now the fallout truly begins.


When dealing with hurt feelings I suppose it's natural for one to lash out. As the one who began this I suppose that I am due my fair share of barbs. It's very hard though, to deal not only with my own self inflicted guilt but always having it heaped upon me at the dinner table as well.

So how am I coping? Between not sleeping more than a couple hours a night and losing my appetite I am not sure that I am coping at all.

I find myself getting the most profound advice from a little fish named Dory whose mantra, "Just keep moving" I repeat over and over through out the day. It's my hope that if I keep moving I will be able to stay ahead of the crush of emotions that threaten to bury me each day.

My house is clean, there are too many cookies in the cookie jar and I keep finding whatever odds and ends I can to occupy my time. I know that this too shall pass, I just hope that when it is all said and done that all parties involved can recover from the friendly fire.

Living through a friendly divorce

So here it is. The end of a relationship, a life built together. Whatever the cause the end is painful, messy and most likely confusing. This I know, as this is now my life.


I have hesitated to write any journal type entries on my blog as I didn't feel that a blog was the correct outlet for me to lay out my private thoughts, however with this new development in my life I feel that it would be healing for me to express myself and maybe my story can be relevant to someone else in the same situation.

That being said, I am as of now preparing to end a relationship of thirteen years. We have two children together and quite a bit of history. The end of the relationship isn't a his fault/her fault situation. We have simply grown apart through the years and each feel the other deserves a chance to find a partner that is more suited to the other. Quite civilized for the time being. Who knows what may change as we move further down this path.

We've made the decision and told the children that mom and dad will be breaking up. Now what? Neither of us are interested in dragging lawyers into the mix, we both feel that we can come to acceptable conclusions without paying $200-$300 an hour. So, scratch the yellow book pages to find a divorce attorney.

I received some good advice from someone near and dear to my heart that I will share as to what my first steps should be. I believe that they are worth following and make a strong first step.

1. Create a budget using only your income.

2. Start separating things in your home and try to be fair. Everyone thinks of the major things; big screen TV, stereo system, gaming systems but it is also the small things. Things you need to consider in the division include CD's, DVD's, holiday decorations, photographs and bed, bath and kitchen supplies.

3. Make sure all bills are current. Start thinking about which ones you will be responsible for and which ones your spouse will take.

4. Open your bank account

5. Be prepared to temporarily end or reduce some services until you are financially on your feet.

6. Even if you kids seem okay, they probably aren't. Make sure to spend time with them and talk through their fears and concerns.

Not sure what will happen tomorrow or next week, but for today I am ready to make the small steps.

Benefits of Acupuncture

We’ve all seen images of acupuncture, many times incorrectly depicted in the media, but few people in the United States really know or understand exactly what acupuncture or why it’s beneficial. Many people assume that acupuncture is only good for weight loss or to stop smoking, and most think the treatment will be painful, both of these assumptions untrue.


Acupuncture originated in China about two thousand of years ago and has been in practice throughout the world since. The process involves inserting a very thin needle into acupuncture points that run along the meridian of the body. Meridian’s correspond to an organ that governs specific functions in the body. The placement of the needles in these points helps regulate the flow of the body’s life force known as ‘Qi’ (pronounced Chee). These acupuncture points are described by Western medical professionals as places in the body where the nerves, connective tissues and muscles can be stimulated.

The needles used are very thin and sharp. Unlike hypodermic needles used for shots and taking blood, the ends of the acupuncture needles are not jagged therefore do not cause the pain associated with doctor’s needles. Most people who have had acupuncture report little or no pain when the needles are inserted. Every person reacts to treatment differently but the most common reactions are either feeling energized or feeling of relaxed. If a needle is improperly placed it can cause pain and soreness, this is only one of the reasons you need to ensure you acupuncturist is properly trained and licensed. The acupuncturist should be using sterile single-use disposable needles.

People seek acupuncture treatment for a myriad of afflictions, including the cessation of smoking and weight loss. The areas that have been proven to have the best results are for pain relief, anxiety, and stroke, diabetes, controlling side effects from cancer and AIDS/HIV treatment.

Using acupuncture for the treatment of pain has been widely beneficial to those who have suffered injuries in car accidents, suffer from migraines, have joint and muscle pain, dental pain and even rheumatoid arthritis. The use of acupuncture for pain control is thought to release chemicals in the brain that help to decrease pain in the patient. The World Health Organization has acknowledged the benefits in using acupuncture in for pain relief. Even the U.S. military has implemented the use of acupuncture in the field by teaching “Battlefield Acupuncture” to doctors that are being deployed, after studies have shown that the use of acupuncture before and during surgery greatly reduces need for prescription pain medications after.

Acupuncture has been shown to help with people who suffer anxiety and depression as well as a by-product of those disorders, insomnia. The use of acupuncture has been recommended for patients suffering from chronic or acute paralysis after stoke with significant improvement after four months of treatment.

This holistic treatment has been proven to be beneficial for patients suffering from fatigue and nausea resulting from the cancer treatments as well as aiding in the pain brought on by the disease. The same benefits have been felt by patients suffering from HIV/AIDS.

A properly trained acupuncturist often combines acupuncture with herbal remedies and massage. In order to get the best out of acupuncture treatment is it imperative that you make sure that you are seeing a licensed, fully trained professional. Some states allow MD’s and chiropractors to practice acupuncture with as little as 300 hours of training. The best qualified acupuncturists have attended one of the many fully accredited three-year college programs available throughout the country. The best way to ensure that you are seeing a licensed acupuncturist is to make sure that they have been certified by the American Association of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (AAAOM).

Why Men Can't Commit

Commitment. The very word can send shudders of fear down the spines of many men, leaving women to ponder why men can’t commit. The truth of the matter is his previous baggage may not be to blame. Women may be able to lay their man’s commitment issues at the feet of early man; those most commonly known as the caveman.

As the mysteries of brain are being revealed through scientific study it was discovered that the human brain contains two distinctive parts that can be described as the old brain and the new brain. The old brain, known scientifically as the limbic brain, is where basic human behaviors are controlled. These behaviors can best be described as pre-programmed behaviors that directly impact such things as eating, sleeping, pleasure and pain as well as the automatic systems like the respiratory and circulatory. The very survival of the human species has been dependant on the behaviors dictated by the old brain

The “new” brain, known as the neocortex, represents about two thirds of the human brain and it is the most recent part of the human brain to develop. This part of the brain is the center for reasoning, intelligence, self-awareness and conscience.

While studying drug and alcohol addiction researchers found that in the majority of cases, the instinctive behavior dictated by the old brain will always overcome the reasoning of the new brain. For example, a person can be able to rationalize that a behavior is wrong even though it brings feelings of pleasure but the old brain’s insistence for that pleasure sensation will override the reasoning.

The old brain instincts were honed at a time when man’s life expectancy was short and the need to procreate was key to the survival of our species. This survival instinct would have developed the need for early man to mate with as many women as possible without thought to commitment. It is this pre-programmed instinct that still lurks in modern-day man’s old brain.

Fast forward through the ages and find marriage introduced as a society norm. However, it’s not marriage as we think of it today. Marriage was originally not created as a way to ensure monogamy but as a way to bind families or nations together. Women became property and men still maintained their freedom to carry on with multiple women, as is still the custom in many countries today.

As mankind continued to develop and became more civilized, marriage took on a new dimension, a way of showing that each party was willing to bind themselves to other until death. At direct conflict to the pre-programmed instincts of the man’s old brain impulses.

This is not say at modern man can not overcome his prehistoric tendencies. There is enough evidence to show that new brain development continues in humans and that is can override the old brain instructs. But for some men who seem unwilling to commit, it may not be that he is unwilling but simply unable

Learning to cook

Picture this. A budding chef, determined to make a nice desert for Sunday supper. At the ripe old age of eleven she had already mastered the fine art of making a Betty Crocker cake and had even ventured as far as making cream puffs, but this desert had to be special. So while her parents were off visiting with friends, she ventured into the kitchen armed with a recipe for orange meringue pie. With fierce determination she followed the recipe, step by step.






First, the crust. Done. Check.



Next, the orange filling. Mix. Taste. Perfect.



Finally, the meringue. As she began to mix up the ingredients her know-it-all older brother sauntered in and leaned against the counter.



“What are you going to do with that electric beater?” he asked.



Now our chef at this point in life, figured big brother may actually know more than she, so she explained how she was going to whip the meringue.



“Oh no!” he exclaimed. He told her that using the electric mixer would ruin it. He even pointed out in the recipe where it said mix, but nowhere did it say with an eclectic mixer. After much debate she relented, after all he was three years older and therefore had to be smarter right?



So using a wooden spoon she mixed and mixed and mixed. There were no stiff pikes in the bowl, but perhaps those came when she cooked it. Having convinced herself that all would be fine she poured the eggy substance over the orange filling and popped into the oven and watched anxiously to see if the top would puff.



I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the outcome of this story. The meringue topping never emerged and what did come out of the oven tasted a bit like orange flavored fried eggs that sadly only the family dog and the chef’s four-year old brother would eat. Disheartened, the young chef did not pick up a wooden spoon again for many, many years.



I share this story of one of my biggest culinary failures with you to make you understand that not everyone is born as natural chef. Even Julia Child had to go to school to learn, but you do not need a formal education to learn to cook. You don’t even need a fancy kitchen filled with tons of kitchen gizmos. What you need, is for something to spark your inner culinary genius.



For me that spark was love. First it was the love of a man, and then it was the love of food.



In order to try to dazzle him with my culinary skills I turned to the grandmother of one of my friends. Nona, as known to close friends and family was more than happy to have me in her kitchen and she taught me the basics of Italian cooking. She showed me how to make a tomato sauce that made your mouth sing but took all day to cook, and how to make pasta and gnocchi from scratch.



Having Nona, as mentor was the experience of a lifetime, she kept me motivated with her stories about her learning experiences. She instilled me with a great respect for the art of cooking and helped me to appreciate how cooking can bond generations of families together.



The problem was, I was a young adult with lots of things to do and places to be and found that Nona’s style of cooking didn’t work in my life. So, except for special occasions I rarely cooked more than a quick macaroni and cheese dish, or something equally unimpressive. But, the passion had been sparked so over the years I dabbled with different cooking styles and cuisines.



Years passed, the man was gone but my love of good food remained. I continued to hone my cooking skills and often turned my family into my test subjects. Through trial and error I learned what things worked well together and what things should never, ever be mixed. I poured over cookbooks, learning all about the basics of foods I loved, and was eventually able to tweak recipes I read to be even better, or to recreate dishes I had at favorite restaurants.



By finding this love of cooking I was able to give elaborate dinner parties and cook huge holiday meals for friends and family. I became a co-owner in Il Primo restaurant and evidentially opened The Kitchen Gnome, a personal chef service.





Today, I typically cook Italian or Mexican foods for my family because I found that style of cooking best fits in with my lifestyle. Finding the style that works best for you is key in learning and progressing in your cooking skills. If you don’t like to eat gourmet food why would you lean to make it?



So for those of you out there, who believe that they cannot cook, give up the negative thoughts. Find your spark, experiment, have fun and remember that even experienced chefs sometimes cook turkeys upside down or make scrambled egg pies.

Surviving Cold & Flu Season the Natural Way

The weather outside has changed from the warmth of summer s to the cold, gray days of winter. Your child’s nose is red and running, your co-worker’s hacking cough is expelling germs into the recycled air of your office building. It is officially cold and flu season. But there is hope of avoiding the stuffy head and body aches that invariably follow exposure to the cold and flu virus. You can even achieve good health without having to subject your body to the flu shot.


Practitioners of Chinese medicine advise that a rotation of natural supplements can help you maintain optimal health during this frustrating season. Natural remedies have been used for thousands of years to treat the symptoms associated with the common cold and flu. Recently Western medical doctors have begun to acknowledge the benefits of holistic medicine in viral infections like myxovirus, A.K.A., the flu. The benefits to using natural remedies are both physical, taking what Mother Natural has provided to safely and gently boost our immunity, and financial, the supplements are less costly than a trip to the doctor’s office and a prescription.

According to Doctor of Oriental Medicine, Vicente Valeriano, using a monthly rotation of Echinacea, Goldenseal, Elderberry and Astragalus can help prevent the contraction of a viral infection. Should you contract a virus, taking Zinc, Vitamin C and Burdock in conjunction with Echinacea and Goldenseal can provide relief and shorten span of the virus. All of these supplements are readily available in most health food stores such as Whole Food Market.

Echinacea is a plant is native to the United States. Native Americans have used this plant for medicinal purposes for hundreds of years. When ingested the plant stimulates your body’s production of immune cells that will help to fight off viral organisms before they can take hold. This plant is a natural anti-biotic. At the first sign of symptoms take Echinacea every two hours until your symptoms abate. To ensure a complete recuperation continue taking three times a day for one week.


Goldenseal works to treat infection and inflammation. It has been proven to combat not only E.coli but also streptococcus. For the purpose of a cold, Goldenseal helps to relieve congestion. It should be used together with Echinacea for maximum benefit. Goldenseal should be taken every two hours until congestion subsides and then taken three times a day for a week.

Vitamin C is the number one recommended choice to boast immunity. Medical studies prove it helps to shorten the time and reduce the severity of a cold. The suggested dosage for Vitamin C is 500 mgs daily.

Elderberry has been used by holistic healers for a long time. Its components include a powerful antioxidant that can help stabilize cell walls, making it easier to ward off a viral attack.

Astragalus works to combat the fatigue and weakness that commonly accompanies a cold or flu. Recent studies have shown promise in using Astragalus as an immunostimulant for cancer patients enduring chemotherapy treatments.

In 1996 a zinc lozenge was patented as “the cure for the common cold.” Medical research has proven that zinc does greatly shorten the duration of a cold. Zinc ions work as a stimulant to the immune system and as an antirthinoviral agent. This can be purchased over the counter at nearly any store that sells cold remedy medication.

In addition to the above referenced supplements, fresh ginger root is recommended for relief at the first sign of onset of cold and flu symptoms. Brewing a cup of strong ginger tea laced with honey can help to ease upset stomach and help to reduce fever. Dr. Valeriano recommends drinking a cup of the tea while soaking in a hot bath. Once the tea is ingested, lie down under a heavy blanket. The tea along with the heat can help to break a fever.

Of course, the tried and true suggestions should always be adhered to, frequently washing hands, getting plenty of rest, eating foods rich in vitamins and minerals. Products on the market such as antibacterial hand gels are also beneficial to the prevention of viruses.

For optimal prevention of colds and flu following the four-week rotation schedule below is recommended throughout the cold and flu season:

First week: Take one dose of Echinacea and Goldenseal three times a day.

Second week: Take one dose of Elderberry three times a day

Third week: Take one dose of Echinacea and Goldenseal three times a day.

Fourth week: Take one dose of Astragalus three times a day

If you do contract a virus Dr. Valeriano recommends the following for relief of symptoms:

1. Take a dose of Echinacea and Goldenseal every 2 hours

2. Take dose of Vitamin C and Burdock every 3 hours

3. Take a Zinc lozenge every 2 to 4 hours

4. A pot of ginger tea, one cup per hour until pot is finished

Child of the Night

Night falls quickly this time of year. All around me the city comes to life, the sounds of the day fading away until they are exchanged by the pulse of the night life. I walk along the city streets, watching as the street lights turn on, one by one in preordained succession. The shop keepers throw suspicious glances at me as they quickly turn the open signs to closed and lock their doors.


“Go on, move along. Your kind isn’t welcome here.” the owner of an electronics stores snarls.

I can’t say that I blame them after catching glance of myself in one the windows. My clothes are worn and smell of the street. My once blond curls now hang heavy with dirt and oil, and my skin that was once rosy and flawless is now clogged and streaked with dirt. As I look more closely at the face peering back out at me I realize that it is my eyes that have changed the most. Just three-hundred sixty- five days ago my blue eyes shone with the light of youthful wonder and excitement. The eyes that now look back at me are hard and untrusting.

My name is Dawn Taylor and I am but one of hundreds that live on the streets. We are a society of the unwanted, a group of people so beneath everyday society that we are invisible. People look right through us and I am become accustomed to that. In fact, it is when someone looks me in the eye that I begin to wonder about their motives. I have learned that those are the people who usually want something from you, more than likely something you don’t want to give.


“Hey sweet thing,” a man calls from his car window as he slows down next to me. “You need a ride?”

I recognize him, the call him Jack on the street. He is handsome with his perfect facial features, blonde hair and bright blue eyes. His teeth are professionally white and his clothes as expensive as his car, but he can’t anything to disguise his evil nature. I’ve seen what happens to girls that get into his car, they come back broken and bloody.


“No thanks,” I call back, hopeful that the fear I am feeling is not evident.

His face flushes in anger at my refusal to go with him and I know I need to run as fast and as far from him as I can get. I run until I reach a group of people that I can get lost in. Even though I know its wrong I can’t help but hope that Jack has forgotten about me and moved onto another girl.

The night is fully animated now. I can feel the vibration of the music coming from the trendy night clubs I walk past. I once dreamed of going to places like that. I would have put on my best clothes and together with my multitude of friends danced and laughed the night away. Now the only primping I do is a quick check when I wake to make sure I still have my shoes.


I’ve been walking for hours now and my stomach growls; I can’t remember the last time I ate. A group of teenagers are in front of me. They turn to go into a 7-11. I walked as closely behind them as I can get without them noticing, hoping that the store clerk with assume that I am part of their group. The two middle aged women behind the counter stop talking and look upon all of us with suspicion.

“Watch them,” the oldest clerk says.

The younger clerk comes out from behind the counter and follows us. As they gather up their supplies of junk food, I too grab a package of chips, some Twinkies and a large bottle of soda. I continue to move with the group as they make their way to the counter to pay for their purchases and stand in the back.


Both clerks are back behind the counter ringing up the teens. While they are distracted I bolt out the front door. As I run through the night with my ill-gotten food I hear the door open.

“Hey stop!” I hear the clerk yell into the darkness. “I’m calling the cops.”

But it’s too late, the cops will never find me tonight and for now I have food.


I keep on walking through the city, afraid to stop too long in one place. I see the working kids on the street corners, hustling to make the twenty that will get them through one more night, either with food or a mood altering substance. In my other life I remember hearing the term “working girls” but now I know that it’s not just girls. On the street you discover quickly that whatever the fantasy or obsession it can be bought under cover of darkness. I barely notice the trading of sex for money on the street corners or the drug deals that take place in the back alleys anymore. When I first came to this existence I couldn’t believe the openness of these activities, but then when you are invisible to people they tend to forget that you can still see.


My wandering takes me into a neighborhood filled with apartments and town homes. It’s quiet here, only the occasionally car driving by or the distance sound of a dog’s bark in the air. Many of the windows glow from the light inside. I stop and peer up at the illuminated windows and remember.

I once lived in a house filled with warmth and light. I had my own bed and all the trappings associated with American teens. I thought I deserved not only what I had but everything I desired as well. Then one day the President of this country decided we needed to go to war and he sent my father away. My father never came back. My mother wasn’t a strong woman, she needed someone to take care of her and she didn’t really care who. Unfortunately for me, the who in this case didn’t want an instant family; I had to leave.


I stare up into the lit windows I wonder if my mother ever thinks about what has become of me. Does she worry? Does she remember? Does she care? But instead of answers I only hear the echo of days gone by.

In my mind it’s two years ago and I am watching from the living room window as two uniformed soldiers walk up to our front door. As I hold on my mother’s hand the tall solider says, “Mrs. Taylor, I’m sorry to have to inform you of the death of your husband.”

I can hear my mother’s screams still resonating in my mind; her wails of injustice as I hold her hand and wept silent tears.


My mind flashes forward six months to the day my mother came home and sat me down on the couch to tell me about her new love.

“I’m going to marry him Dawn,” she said.

“Congratulations Mom,” I told her not really meaning it.

She reached across the couch and took my hands. Looking into my eyes she said, “The thing is baby, he doesn’t want to be a stepfather. You’re going to need to find somewhere else to live.”

“But mom,” I cried out while my world crumpled and my heart broke even more, “Where will I go? What about school? College?”

“Ah Dawny, you’re a smart girl. You’ll get by just fine. You want your mommy to be happy don’t you?”


With a heavy heart I turn away from the homes that I like to imagine as happy. I continue to wander the streets, listening to the talk of the street people.

“Hey baby you wanna a date?” the young red head on the corner calls out to a passing car.

“Do you have any money you can spare?” a young boy asks a man leaving the adult book store.

“Man, I need a dime bag,” a well dressed teen tells the local drug dealer in the back of a dirty ally.

On the horizon I can see the sky beginning to change, the darkness is slowly lifting from the city. I look around and see the changes in traffic, the newspaper and delivery trucks already rolling along the city streets.

As the sky bursts into bright hues of pink, orange and blue I look up and see that I am standing in front of the Scared Heart Shelter. Since today is my nineteenth birthday I think I will allow myself to be talked too about God’s love in exchange for a hot meal, for I don’t know if I will see my twentieth year.


“Come my child,” the kindly looking priest says to me as he takes my arm to guide inside. “Let us nourish your body and soul.”